Ancestry.com, 23 and Me, and Henry Louis Gates Jr. have opened a world that can track our genetics and family stories with amazing results. The only thing those platforms are missing is the narrative.
“I thought I would have plenty of time.”
If you are of a certain age, at least once a week, you think, “I’ll call mom and ask her where that town was in Nova Scotia where she lived as a child,” or who the person is in this family picture, or where did this painting come from. My mother was a great historian and held reams of data in her brilliant head. Why, oh why, didn’t I write it down? Why didn’t I record her telling stories?
My family hails from Scotland, The Isle of Skye, across the pond to PEI and Nova Scotia, and then to the North Shore. Once upon a time, I had generations of “old folks” to ask. Now, there are a precious few, and they may not have the answers to my questions. Maybe my curiosity was not engaged enough during the time when my questions could have been answered.
If the grandchildren (teens, college, young professionals) don’t pick up the opportunity, model it for them. “I am going to write a small book with Gramp. We will do research together online to find his parents' villages and might even ride up to Maine to see what we can find.” Like we did with our children (as we have them captive in the car for 16 years), we…talk.
Start by gently asking, “Nana, is there a story you want to tell?”
What if they are carrying something important to be told? What if there is a new generation on the horizon? A grandchild is about to be a parent. Maybe this is a love letter from the elder to the baby. “Welcome to our family. This is who we are…”
Perhaps instead of a book, you’d rather make a movie. Pick out a score, develop your list of questions, “interview” your elder, and recreate a scene from earlier in their lives. Collecting photos and adding text is not as complicated as it sounds—several platforms make it easy to upload, edit, and publish a polished finished product.
We probe, enquire, suggest, yell, down and out lecture, sing, laugh, and connect. You will get some wonderful information that you will forever be grateful for and spend time that will be your greatest treasure. Purpose is vital.
In fact, the end product may be less important than the process.
The time spent, the interest shown, and being a good active listener may be what matter. It’s less about you, and more about them. I understand that the hard part of loving an elder is that what they want is our time, and it’s at a premium. We have so little of it, and they have so much. We will be there one day…
As we live through this age of uncertainty, find comfort in your roots. It’s grounding.
Changes are happening at breakneck speed, nothing stays the same for long, and the world around us feels anything but secure. I’m not sure our ancestors had it easier; maybe their struggles were more basic and the challenges far more local and less global, but it seemed a simpler time.
We are knee-deep in summer with plenty of time to go. Yes, there are mountain trails to conquer, paths to ride, oceans and lakes to swim in and boat on, and jobs to work. However, there may be opportunities right in front of you, in addition to summer “stuff.”
Maybe this is the summer course you have been meaning to take. If you approach it with a full heart, you are guaranteed to get an A (and so much more).
Joanne MacInnis is president and CEO of Aberdeen Home Care, Inc., based in Danvers.
