After decades of making and swiftly breaking resolutions to eat better, move more, and procrastinate less, let’s take a different approach this year.
Many who care for an aging loved one are well acquainted with the complexities, the ever-changing landscape, and the prevailing atmosphere of vulnerability. One thing we do not want to occur due to our interventions and help for those we love is...resentment. It might not be immediately noticeable, but when you prioritize the needs of your aging relatives and, as a result, miss important events for your school-aged children, miss your own medical appointments, or turn down social opportunities for yourself and your family because your help is required elsewhere, the resentment can creep in.
Caring with resentment can be harmful and may be sensed by your loved one, even if it’s never explicitly mentioned.
We have all heard, “You are so busy. I hate to have you fussing over me.” We may feel various things about our needs (guilt) and frustration about caring for those we love. This isn’t a recommendation to stop caring; rather, it serves as a “resolution” to lighten your load. By doing this, the time you spend together is clear of any subtext that may have a negative vibe. What measures can we implement to improve their quality of life, address their needs, and alleviate some of the pressures their situations place on us as caregivers?
The greatest gift we can offer our aging loved ones is meaningful time.
What is the most important use of your time with, and concerning, your loved one? These areas can include attending medical appointments, coordinating medications and weekly pill box filling, maintaining home safety, coordinating services, and doing something fun with quality face-to-face time! If you regularly spend time grocery shopping or cleaning for your loved one, consider delegating these tasks. While they would likely prefer your assistance for various reasons, including the companionship and familiarity you provide, many seniors are distanced from the hectic lifestyles of those in the ‘working world,’ alongside the demands of children and other family members.
Broadening the caregiving team, bringing in the needed support, taking a little off your plate, and knowing that your loved ones have more than you to “count on” is a “win-win” for everyone. If private pay services are beyond what’s affordable, reach out to the local Council on Aging in your community. If affording services is not the issue, and you are hesitant to bring in help, think about why. What’s the barrier?
Seniors’ needs increase as time goes on. Bringing in extra help decreases the dependence on you and opens the door to developing other trusting relationships that you may rely on for many years to come. Try setting up a system to get a few non-essential things off your plate, perhaps in a gradual manner that your loved one can more easily tolerate. This will enable you, as the caregiver, to offer your generous support with less pressure, allowing you to give more wholeheartedly.
Go ahead and have a piece or two of pie, and tell everyone your New Year’s Resolution is to take the best care of your loved ones—and yourselves.
Joanne MacInnis, RN, is the founder and president of Aberdeen Home Care, Inc., of Danvers, a concierge private duty home care agency in business since 2001. With 35 years of nursing practice, management and administration experience focused on home care and hospice, Joanne and her team specialize in advising and supporting families addressing the elders in their lives retain dignity and quality of life.
