SENIOR LIVING

Our daughter's wedding is next month…it will break her heart if my Dad can’t go.

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As August approaches, our family is filled with excitement and anticipation for our daughter's upcoming wedding.  It's a milestone event, a celebration of love and unity that we have been eagerly planning for months.  However, amidst the excitement, a lingering worry weighs heavily on our hearts – the uncertainty of whether my Dad will be able to attend.

Two Peas in a Pod

I remember our daughter dressing Dad up in wigs, lipstick, and nail polish.  They spent countless hours on fishing trips, where Dad taught her the patience of waiting and just the right time to pull the line—and all that bait!  Years have passed, and while their activities have evolved, their bond remains unbreakable.  Now, it’s filled with laughing, looking at photo albums, and…wedding talk.  It's as if Dad had never been through a family wedding before, despite having four married children. But she is special to him, and we all know it.

Consider Dad’s Needs

Dad has Parkinson's Disease and relies on a wheelchair, facing significant challenges with mobility.  Simple tasks like brushing his teeth or feeding himself have become daily obstacles, yet his spirit remains as vibrant as ever.  He's the same amazing Grandfather and Dad inside, but his body struggles to keep pace.

Planning in advance allows us time to consult with Dad’s healthcare team.  Develop a checklist to address every detail and ensure nothing is missed, covering everything from medication management to assistance with toileting, bathing, dressing, and meals.  Transportation poses another consideration.  Securing the right vehicle and assistants well in advance ensures smooth sailing on the big day.

Enlist Help

Assign a trusted family member or close friend to be his dedicated helper throughout the event.  This person can assist with navigating the venue, fetching refreshments, and ensuring Dad feels included and comfortable.

If Dad requires a higher level of care, consider hiring a professional caregiver.  When choosing someone from the community, check if they have proper insurance coverage, including liability and Workers' Compensation.  Ideally, the caregiver should have access to a licensed nurse for triage, problem-solving, and support if needed.

If opting for an agency, take the time to visit their office and meet with them face to face. This allows you to gauge their organizational culture and ask detailed questions.  Treat this process with the thoroughness you would apply when hiring a nanny for childcare.

The right person can make this special event a success, and the wrong person could be a recipe for disaster. In this situation, "soft" skills are just as necessary as clinical skills.  The ability to fit in, be visible and available but not intrusive, is crucial.

Think Outside the Box

If Dad’s health prevents him from attending physically, explore options for virtual participation through live streaming or video calls during key moments of the wedding day.  Consider arrangements for a stable internet connection and designate a technical support person for both Dad’s location and the venue.

These Are the Moments That Make Our Lives Sparkle

Like anything of value, it's not effortless, but so worth the thought and planning.  What a gift to everyone to make this happen.  Whether Dad is physically present at the wedding or there in spirit, his influence and presence will be felt deeply.

If you don't know where to begin, contact your local Council on Aging for guidance.  

Don't be afraid to ask for help.  And remember to have fun!

Joanne MacInnis, RN, is the founder and president of Aberdeen Home Care, Inc., of Danvers, a concierge private duty home care agency in business since 2001. With 35 years of nursing practice, management and administration experience focused on home care and hospice, Joanne and her team specialize in advising and supporting families addressing the elders in their lives retain dignity and quality of life.