This is a tough season of life for the seniors in our lives, and for us as well. There are many changes, and lots of challenges. The thought of leaving home is intolerable for some elders, while for others, the opportunity of an Assisted Living with its support, activities, and companionship is appealing. Maybe it's not either-or, but both-and, where most of life happens… somewhere in the middle.
If you've been following our articles, you know that we always begin by taking an inventory. What are the possibilities of one-level living? What kind of home modifications should you consider? Think about:
If their goal is to relocate, like any process, it's all about the preparation. Do your homework. Do your research. And don't forget to talk to friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Make many visits and speak to residents of the facilities to get the "inside scoop." The "sales team" is going to give you their perspective that this is a perfect choice. Perfection…is a very subjective claim. If you don't know how to begin or what questions to ask, call your local Council on Aging (Manchester COA: 978-526-7500) and ask for help. They are the experts.
If your senior is adamant and unwavering about remaining at home, you will have to have a difficult conversation about compromise. If it isn't working as-is (two-story living, no help for yard work, housekeeping, safety concerns, and we want to accommodate their wishes to remain at home), compromise will be required.
For example's sake, consider the scenario if Mom wants to stay at home. You don't feel it's safe or in her best interest, but it's her goal, her life, and her home. So, to meet her goal, there will be some conditions to meet. Maybe you'll need to move her bedroom downstairs, get a LifeLine Emergency Response system in place, hire yard and snow removal help, get some domestic support in the house, and perhaps some professional Home Health Care Services. Keep your discussion focused on her goal. It's her goal, and you want to support it, but it's a two-sided coin. Compromise will be required.
If construction or modification needs to take place, agree that it must be completed in four months, and in-home services need to be set up and in place in two months. Evaluate the plan every month and see how it's going. Maybe we have too much in place, or realistically, perhaps not enough. This plan may succeed and may not. Like everything, we have to wait and see. We evaluate our interventions and amend them as more information is available.
If relocation is the plan, you may need an interim arrangement until they make their choice. If your elder loved one is unsafe right now, simply having a plan for relocation to a more supportive helpful environment will be great when that happens. In the meantime (NOW!), you need a plan to address the areas of vulnerability and risk. They are vulnerable enough to have no other choice but to leave home for a more supportive environment. You should be concerned NOT just for tomorrow, but for today. Avoid getting lulled into the notion that their safety and wellbeing will remain status quo while you make your decision.
Whichever your choice.
Living-in with a family member, making accommodations in their long-term home, or relocation to Assisted Living have inherent pros and cons associated with each choice. Reach out for support and help. Countless families are going through very similar circumstances. You certainly aren't alone.
Joanne MacInnis, RN, is the founder and president of Aberdeen Home Care, Inc., of Danvers, a concierge private duty home care agency in business since 2001. With 35 years of nursing practice, management and administration experience focused on home care and hospice, Joanne and her team specialize in advising and supporting families addressing the elders in their lives retain dignity and quality of life.
