From party lines to cell phones, Model T's to electric Teslas, to looking at the stars, and landing on Mars...
During no other time in history has there been such a shift in the way we do things, in the amount of information that is available to us, and how we communicate with each other. If you are of a certain age (like I am), you are aware (and irritated) by the incessant use of "the phone" at all times. Pulling our kids away… is not easy. How do we bridge the gap? How do we connect the generations on either side of us… without pulling our hair out?
You are aware that your parents, aunts, uncles are aging. Changing bodies... changing minds... changing memories. You get the sense that there is not an infinite amount of time left and that your kids do not see the urgency to connect the same way you do. Despite your efforts to impress your intuition and observations on the kids, it does not resonate. You're tempted to scream out in frustration. My suggestion? Don't. It won't help. At least, it didn't work for me.
It seems for some teens and young adults that the natural world has faded in value to the digital world. The constant connection via a device and the world that occurs beneath a glass screen is taking more and more precedence. Our elder loved ones don't live in this place. It's outside their comfort zone, their wheelhouse… however you say it. They are newsprint and evening news people, for the most part, not checking the Huffington Post or Facebook. Because there is such a gap, how can we be the bridge, or help build it?
The final Jeopardy question here is to find what they can both engage in together. Elders need help, and teens have ability. Perhaps there is some financial incentive to help out, and even if that is the case, supporting an elder loved one with yard work, housework, laundry, errands, or cooking can increase face time. That's what we need: in-person face time and not the digital variety. If your senior is tech-savvy, and some are, FaceTime is excellent as are Words with Friends and a host of other online games. If your senior can text, all the better. Your kids will need a lesson on how to text an elder, and that would be to spell — S.P.E.L.L. it all out. Using emotive words is essential as the kids tend to text "K" to a request. Remember when we learned to write letters in school? A lost art form. A lesson on how to gram may be in order.
You may be too much of a bridge. You might need to be involved at the onset to get things going, but then let them figure out their own dynamic, together. Talking to elders is a bit different if you are not very familiar with them. What's going on in your life may be so far from their awareness that your preteen/teen/young adult just doesn't know what to talk about.
"I'm doing a report for school on my ancestors..." It may or may not be the case, but what a great opener. It will become of enormous value at some point in time when your elder loved one cannot share their story. "Let's do a family tree." Ancestry.com may be a great tool to connect the dots, satisfying the digital need for your child, and providing access to historical documents of interest to your parents.
The ubiquitous box of photos that date back maybe 100 years. The small old black and white photographs, with no names on the back. What a project! Your children can help label, organize, put in an album, or even scan the photos for a Snapfish-type photo book. These books are a precious gift not only for your elder, you, and your children, but a gift for the generations to come.
While there are talented local videographers who can do this professionally, you can also D.I.Y. it and use your smartphone. I bet your children already have experience using these types of applications. Gram eating ice-cream... Gram painting on a canvas... Gram playing the piano... Gram getting a "temporary" tattoo. The options are endless! It will be fun, you will assemble a box of props, you will laugh, maybe cry, and you will bond. And in the end, you will have another invaluable piece of memorabilia.
The sobering reality is that our beloved elders will face medical challenges that will limit their functional and perhaps mental abilities. These complications move them further away from the younger generation and create distance. When those we love are gone, they are gone. Using your creativity and thinking outside the box, create time and opportunity to bridge the gap, and bring everyone together. Isn't that what memories are made of… and what life is all about?
Joanne MacInnis, RN, is the founder and president of Aberdeen Home Care, Inc., of Danvers, a concierge private duty home care agency in business since 2001. With 35 years of nursing practice, management and administration experience focused on home care and hospice, Joanne and her team specialize in advising and supporting families addressing the elders in their lives retain dignity and quality of life.
